


Say It Now

by FinAmour



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, POV Alternating, Pining, Post-Reichenbach thoughts, Reichenbach Feels, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 18:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19301524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinAmour/pseuds/FinAmour
Summary: You never think something like this will happen—your best friend taking their own life.But it only has to happen once.I understand why you did it, Sherlock, but why’d you have to do it to me?I love you, you know, and I never got to say.





	Say It Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unicornpoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicornpoe/gifts).



> I’ve been going through some stuff lately, and writing this is just one of my ways of working through it. 
> 
> For anyone who’s worried, I’m gonna be okay. ❤️

I understand why you did it. I understand, because I’ve been there myself.

I know what it’s like: the conclusion that death is the only solution.

When the things that once set your soul aflame can’t be rekindled. When every turn you take uncovers a new roadblock; and eventually, you can’t even start the motor. When your regrets begin to take the place of your ambitions, and you no longer feel that the best is yet to come. When you‘re suffocating—buried beneath even the simplest things in life. When you feel as though the world would be a better place without enduring the thunderstorms you constantly create.

And you just want to start all over, but you’ve exhausted all your resources, and you think—perhaps I can get it right in the next life.

I felt these things every day, but then I met you.

My soul burned brightly once again; there were no roadblocks, no faulty motors, no regrets. I breathed as though coming up for air after drowning; every day, the world felt new.

But now that you’re gone, I’m lost.

I understand why you did it—but I’m so angry that you did. Angry at you, for not seeing your own luminescence; angry at myself, for not seeing the signs.

You never think something like this will happen—your best friend taking their own life.

But it only has to happen once.

I understand why you did it, Sherlock, but why’d you have to do it to me?

I love you, you know, and I never got to say.

***

Soon, you’ll understand why I did it. You’ll understand, because you’ve been there yourself.

You know what it’s like: the conclusion that death is the only solution.

When your obligation to protect another surpasses your former ambitions. When their life and wellness becomes your sole concern. When you know—in every sense of knowing—that for them, the best is yet to come, and you’d give your last breath to ensure they’re granted many more. When you know without a doubt that you’re doing the right thing, because the universe is a better place with them in it. And you know that if you don’t do this right here, right now, you’ll never forgive yourself, and you’ll never move on.

These are things you taught me, John Watson. I know them because I met you.

Now that I’m gone, you’ll move on, with your safety in place, and I will continue to do what I can to ensure that.

I know you’re angry with me, but perhaps, one day, you’ll understand—that I could never forgive myself if you were met with harm, and I certainly would never forget.

With you, the world shines a bit brighter.

I never thought I could possibly feel this way for another human—sentiment has turned me into a ridiculous man.

But it’s only got to happen once.

Please know this, John—

I love you, though I never got to say.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I’m @fin__amour on Twitter...come say hi!


End file.
